Problems We Solve
3-Day Intensive Retreat, One Couple at a Time
Marriage Quest helps couples to restore and renew their marriage. Many couples who seek our help are not clear about the specific problems and issues. Usually, they are dealing with a lack of trust, poor communication, sexual dissatisfaction, feelings of disrespect, and negativity. Sometimes it gets violent.
Clearly, they are unhappy in their marriage. Often, they are angry and frustrated and feel helpless and hopeless, but the path forward is not clear to them. Our job is to help sort out their thoughts and feelings and create a positive plan for their future.
Below are some of the problems that we solve and our approach to the source of those problems. We usually deal with several of these situations simultaneously:
More than half of the couples that come to our retreats are considering a divorce. Therapists today call this “Discernment Counseling”. Usually, one partner thinks that they should get a divorce and the other thinks they should not. Our job is to determine the source of the problems, help you to understand them, and find ways to eliminate these problems (if possible). If you are trying to make this momentous decision we can help you work through your questions, choices, and decisions. If you then decide to get a divorce, we can help you acquire the skills to move forward in a positive direction, improve your relationship, and learn to be better co-parents. You can make a better decision if you have explored the situation more completely.
The discovery of infidelity is an earth-shaking experience – often tearing a marriage apart and leading to a cold relationship or an instant initiation of divorce. We have helped many couples turn the excitement of an affair back into the marriage while rebuilding trust and commitment within the marriage. Intensive marriage therapy, when accompanied by motivation on the part of both partners, provides an opportunity to address the nature and motivation of an affair and move forward. Couples we work with have the courage to face the truth and explore the options of staying together, a possible trial separation, or discussing divorce. Paradoxically this often leads to increased relief and a positive outcome.
Emotional affairs can be anything from regular emails with an old lover or office friend… to secret meetings that are leading up to a sexual affair. For the spouse involved in this relationship it often seems innocent and exciting. For the uninvolved spouse it usually is devastating, shows a lack of trust and extreme betrayal of the marital bond, and hurts deeply. Our job is to help navigate healthy discussions of what has been missing in the marriage, how the marriage can be more intimate (emotionally and sexually), and agreement on what is reasonable behavior with friends of the opposite sex.
Human sexuality is an extremely complex subject and is, for many couples, a very tender and sensitive issue. Even therapists may avoid the subject because of their personal discomfort. At Marriage Quest, it is with great care that the four of us, couple to couple, may enter the discussion of sex in your marriage, when it seems appropriate.
The symptoms of marital problems are often exhibited in problems of intimacy… including emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and sexual intimacy. Each partner often sees the problem quite differently, and has a different solution in mind. When we see that intimacy is one of the marriage problems we both call upon our experiences as Marriage and Family Therapists and Sex Therapists to carefully work through the barriers to intimacy.
When the last child leaves home some couples breathe a sigh of relief while others find themselves lost and disoriented. This time of change can be a time of crisis and lonliness, or soul searching and growth.
Retirement, even if it is planned, is usually a major life change and often creates a strain on the marriage. Many of the couples coming to our Intensive Marriage Retreat are considering divorce after one spouse has retired and their marriage is full of conflict and stress.
If you have detected a change in your partner’s personality, actions, or habits perhaps the problem is what is known as a mid-life crisis. A mid-life crisis can have many effects on one’s life, many behaviors that need attention. Since these behaviors affect the marriage relationship, at Marriage Quest we evaluate the problems, seek the underlying causes, and work with you to find solutions, in order to revive the marriage.
Traumatic occurrences, past or present, can cause many kinds of emotional challenges in a marriage. If a couple has recently experienced a traumatic event, or are in the middle of a crisis, we help them sort things out and make some good decisions. Whether the trauma is recent or from the past, we help couples gain insight and understanding along with new skills to improve their individual and their marital situation.
No new phase of your life is as tremendous as the step into marriage. Take time to prepare and acquire the skills to make a success of it. Make sure you start off on the right foot. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first, so learn from the past, and make this the best marriage ever.
A Retreat Specific to Your Needs
if you want to talk more about your specific situation and how our Marriage Quest retreat can help the two of you. Come experience what many other couples have found to be a more satisfying, comfortable, private, cost effective, and time-efficient way to nourish, heal, or re-direct your marriage/relationship