Many couples have dealt with a one night stand in their history together. If this is the case in your marriage, you are not alone and this is not a unique problem. More importantly, you should know that it’s possible to get over a one night stand without getting divorced. As unpleasant and shocking as it may be, a one night stand usually amounts to a bump in the road rather than a full breakdown of the relationship, as long as you have a healthy marriage. However, you and your partner will need to rebuild trust and repair the relationship in order to heal and move forward. Let’s see how you can get over a one night stand and get your marriage back on track.
A One Night Stand Is A Sign Of Marital Disconnect
Marriage takes work, more work than most couples realize. Because married life seems fun, easy, and enjoyable at the beginning, many assume that it will remain this way without additional effort. The romantic ideal is that if the marriage is healthy, it doesn’t require attention and work. But of course, this is not practical or realistic.
In reality, a long-term relationship requires care and maintenance, more than most take the time to do. A strong connection between spouses is vital in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Couples need to make their relationship a priority by making time for date nights, intimacy, and shared experiences. A lack of connection degrades the marital bond. If the bond was strong to begin with, you can rekindle your relationship as long as you put in the effort needed to repair the damage. If the marital bond was weak or non-existent from the get-go, you’ll need to kindle your connection before you can grow closer.
Divorce is an extreme and unnecessary outcome of a casual hookup. A one night stand is a function of opportunity. In the right (or wrong) circumstances, spontaneity takes over and you act in the moment. Sound judgment, consideration, and resolve goes out the window. This is especially true if alcohol and/or drugs are involved. Making a poor decision on a whim isn’t a reflection that your relationship is beyond repair. But it is a sign that it’s time to reconnect and realign.
Who Is Most Prone To Casual Hookups?
While in theory, just about anyone can have a one night stand, there are some professions and situations which increase the likelihood of cheating on your spouse. You are more prone to a one night stand if your work involves:
- Travel
- Long hours
- Being far away from home for long stretches of time/are apart a lot (ie. military)
- Different schedules or shifts
- Touring as a performer (i.e. musicians, actors, or dancers)
- Providing service to others (i.e. medical professions, law enforcement, support staff)
If you or your spouse fit into any of the above categories and want to minimize the chances for a one night stand, consider what changes you can make to your circumstances. Would avoiding happy hours on business trips help? Are there job opportunities closer to home? Major lifestyle and work changes may not be feasible. But making more time for more date nights might benefit your marriage immensely.
Getting Over A One Night Stand
Getting over a one night stand requires some effort from both spouses. You’ll need to have difficult conversations about the state of your relationship without blame or judgment. Both partners must articulate their physical and emotional wants and needs. You can only move forward if your discussions are constructive. Anger, finger-pointing, and demands are punitive and often will have negative results.
Insight and understanding shouldn’t be confused with excuses or denial of responsibility. The spouse who cheated must own up to their mistakes and the hurt these actions inflict on their partner. However, both spouses must acknowledge their emotional and/or physical disconnect which played a part in the situation they’re facing. This is a critical step in getting over a one night stand, mostly because it will take both spouses to rekindle their relationship.
Couples Therapy Can Help
At Marriage Quest, we’ve helped thousands of couples have these sensitive but critical conversations and identify what needs to happen in order to move forward toward a positive future together. We help you focus on the root causes or challenges in your relationship and provide you with the tools needed to address and repair these issues. Learning how to communicate and connect is key to a strong, healthy marriage. Marriage Quest can provide the support you need to get you there faster.
