If you just discovered that your spouse had an affair you might be feeling hurt or angry and wondering what to do. Many people who have discovered that their spouse was involved in some kind of infidelity think that their marriage is now over and that they are heading towards a separation and divorce.
While it is completely understandable why you would think your marriage is over and feel defeated, the truth is that intensive therapy could be the path forward for you and your marriage. This may be the crisis that your marriage needs to rebalance itself. The far majority of couples who come to us because of an emotional or sexual infidelity learn to rebuild their marriage in ways they only imagined could be possible.
If you are wondering how an intensive therapy retreat can help you recover faster from your marital stress and infidelity, read on.
Why Do Affairs Happen?
Affairs usually happen when a married couple loses their emotional and sexual bond. Many couples live separate lives. We call it a “divide and conquer” lifestyle. Typically, women deal with the children’s needs and schedules and husbands are busy at work making the majority of the family’s financial income.
The problem is that if you do not have enough quality time together you will begin to find attention and fun with other people, especially people of the opposite sex. The other bigger issue is if you never had a strong emotional or sexual bond from the very beginning, it is challenging to develop that connection later on.
How Do I Know If I Am At Risk Of An Affair?
You, or your spouse, are at risk of an affair if you are not spending quality time together. Whether it is a romantic night of dinner and dancing or a pizza in the park at lunchtime, couples need to have time separate from friends and family to connect on a deeper level.
You don’t even need to go out dancing and dining, you can have a laugh and some fun right at home. Some couples face life too seriously and need help letting go of the stress in their lives. All couples need time to talk about important concerns as well as having some plain old fun together.
Is An Emotional Affair Really An Affair?
Almost anyone who has experienced their spouse being in an over-close relationship with someone of the opposite sex knows the feelings of betrayal and rejection that comes with it. While an emotional affair does not have a sexual component, it does feel like a betrayal to the marital bond and it usually hurts. Your spouse is spending precious time with someone else when they could choose to spend it with you. Balancing one’s time is an ongoing juggling act that requires due consideration; balancing taking care of business and having fun.
Can A Marriage Really Survive Infidelity?
Yes. An affair is usually a sign that something needs to change in the marriage. For some couples they just need more time together. For other couples they need to connect more on a sexual and physical level.
Building an emotional connection through better communication is essential for all couples. Understanding personal triggers, and being proactive when feeling triggered, as well as increased empathy, are good examples of what couples learn from their Marriage Quest retreat. In a healthy marriage, spouses go out of their way to make each other feel good, important, and desired.
The discovery of an affair can lead to a deeper, more authentic, connection for a couple. It does not necessarily mean that you are incompatible or are heading towards a divorce. This can be the beginning of a renewed relationship.
Should I File Divorce Papers If My Spouse Was Unfaithful?
Many people think that they should separate and look into a divorce attorney if their spouse has had an affair. While that may seem to make sense upon the discovery of an affair because of all of the stressful feelings, approximately 80% of people who divorce after an affair regret that decision. So, slow down and look at the deeper message here. Try to figure out what can change and what probably cannot change. Most couples find that working with a couples therapist or attending a marriage retreat helps them determine if divorce is the right solution.
Emotionally and financially fixing the marriage is the best outcome for the entire family. For the near 20% of couples that do end up divorcing, at least it is for the right reasons and they usually decide to mediate their divorce not litigate it. This is better financially as well as emotionally.
How Can Intensive Therapy Help You Recover Faster From An Affair?
If you or your spouse has had an affair you may be thinking that things are not repairable and that divorce is the only solution. Many couples who go to a couples intensive therapy experience find that when they truly understand what happened and why, the recovery from the affair can be much faster than they expected.
Couples who had a strong attraction in the very beginning of their relationship are usually able to rekindle and get back to that sweet place again. Most couples just want to move on with confidence, in either direction. They want to believe in a positive future for themselves and for their marriage, hopefully being happily ever after.
Consider a Couples Retreat Today
If you are looking for fast results in determining the fate of your marriage, consider an intensive therapy retreat. A good couples retreat can help you to understand your situation, explore the various options, fix what has been broken and make a good plan for your future.