All of the changes that happen during midlife can feel devastating and overwhelming at times. That is why it is often called a midlife crisis. It can impact both partners, their relationship, their family, and their relationship with friends and co-workers. Midlife moments are different. They typically are the whimsical things that can happen at that time of life. While they might be more humorous and fun, none-the-less they can impact your marriage in negative ways.
Many people in their 40’s and 50’s begin dealing with achy body parts and failing health. I remember when I turned forty and all of a sudden I started to need eye glasses for reading, or longer arms as I declared to my husband. It was funny in some ways, at least I tried to make a frustrating situation lighter and less stressful. I hated needing glasses. I hated getting older.
What Is Midlife?
Midlife is the period of time between adulthood and old age. It is typically a time when the children are leaving the family home, or nest, heading off to college or a job away from home. For many women it is a challenging time of reevaluation because their old job as the primary caretaker of children is ending. For many men and women in the workforce, it’s a time to revisit career aspirations and goals.
This is often a time when the couple’s parents are aging and need extra help. This can be a time when close friends are grappling with health issues too. It can be a challenging time for the marriage itself. The bond of parenthood may be weakened and their lack of connection as a couple may become more pronounced if the relationship hasn’t been nurtured all along. Many couples are connected because of their partnership as parents. Unfortunately, this important role can interfere with the couple’s own emotional and romantic life together.
Moreover, midlife affects men and women differently. It’s not uncommon for one partner to struggle while the other is sailing along. If one or both partners are facing difficulties during this stage of life, they may need some extra support.
Midlife Can Begin A Renewal For The Couple
For some people the midlife phase represents a new beginning for them individually and as a couple. For some it is a happy time when the kids are leaving home and the couple can now rekindle their sex life, or at least have more time for intimacy.
Couples who are dealing with medical or emotional challenges during this time can find a closeness together in dealing with their challenge without all of the distractions of children, and perhaps work, if they are now retired.
Many women who have gone through menopause may find a new sense of freedom now being beyond the fear of an unexpected pregnancy. Some theorists believe that when a woman loses her ability to bear a child this energy goes into being more creative and intuitive.
Midlife Can Be Fun
Midlife can be a time of exploration and fun. With the children gone, this can be a time to explore new hobbies and interests. Many couples like to travel and explore the world. Some people do things that seem out of character with who they’ve been in the past. It can be a time of great change, adventure and renewed purpose.
Midlife Moments
As people age, they can often become forgetful and do silly things. Many people report going into a room and totally forgetting why they are there. Or “losing” their keys only to find them in the refrigerator. Maybe it is a menopausal fog, or maybe it is ADHD. Increased forgetfulness is part of the midlife landscape. While it can seem amusing to some people it can be frightening to the spouse who doesn’t know what is going on.
How Can A Marriage Retreat Help Us Manage These Midlife Moments?
If your spouse seems to be having new and unusual behaviors that surprise you, it might be good to have a conversation together with a therapist who understands normal changes in life and aging and can help the two of you to explore what is going on. Midlife moments are normal and a good marriage retreat can be just the right venue to discuss what is happening and how you can use these changes to enhance and enrich your life together.
Changes as we get older can be scary even if some of the behaviors are amusing. At a Marriage Quest retreat, you will learn to turn challenging times into moments of bonding with your spouse. Contact one of our expert marriage counselors to begin the conversation about midlife moments.
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