Considering Divorce? Couples Retreats For Marital Crisis

Let’s Find Out Together If Your Marriage Can Be Saved

If you’re considering divorce, chances are you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, and unsure if your relationship can survive. Maybe you’ve already filed papers, or maybe you’re lying awake at night wondering if you’re still compatible. Maybe your partner has one foot out the door, or you’re clinging to the hope that things can still turn around.

That’s Exactly Why Marriage Quest®Couples Retreats Exist.

Our private, non-religious couples retreat is designed to help you get clear about what’s working, what’s not, and if you have a future worth fighting for. In your retreat, you’ll work one-on-one with Dr. David Helfand, a licensed psychologist, couples and discernment counselor.

Couples often ask about our success rates and here’s what we can share: The overall success of any marriage counseling is 70 to 90%. This is based on couples being in therapy for many months or even years.

We see the same results in just 3 or 4 days.

Not Sure Whether To Stay Or Go?

When your marriage feels stuck or on the brink, jumping straight to divorce might feel like the only way out. But before you make a life-altering decision, it’s worth pausing to get clear on what’s really going on especially when 40% of couples regret their decision to divorce. Out of those who divorce because of an affair, 80% have regrets.

Discernment Counseling is a short-term, structured process designed specifically for couples who are unsure about whether to stay together or separate. We may not be able to solve every problem, but we can slow down, get honest, and explore your options with the guidance of one of our professionals.

We’ll help you ask the hard questions:

Affairs Can Be An Opportunity For Greater Connection

Whether you found out your spouse is having an affair or you are personally struggling with your own infidelity, dealing with an affair is often very painful and exhausting. This break in trust and the marital contract is usually a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship.

Our job is to fix the root cause. The research on affairs shows that about 80% of people that divorce due to infidelity regret it later. Additionally, couples who are able to recover from an affair often report higher marital satisfaction than in their previous several years together.

“Dr H is truly incredible. My partner and I recently completed a marriage retreat with him, and it exceeded all of our expectations.”

Resources to help determine the support you need right now

Where Are You Today?

Whatever stage you're at in your marriage, you don't have to figure this out alone.

Something is wrong

Tried everything and it's not working

We're in crisis and one of us wants out

Why Are You Considering Divorce?

Considering a divorce is a huge step. If you’re here, chances are you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, and maybe even hopeless about your relationship. The tension may have been building for a while: arguments that never get resolved, constant stress in the household, little to no intimacy, or emotional pain that’s left lasting wounds.

It’s completely normal to question the future of your marriage when this becomes your day-to-day reality. While every marriage goes through hard seasons, ongoing conflict and long-term stress take a serious toll. Not just on you, but on your entire family.

In our experience, people consider divorce because they know they cannot survive in the status quo any longer, and they feel helpless and hopeless about their future happiness.

What To Know When Considering Divorce

Divorce is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. And just like any serious medical concern, it deserves thoughtful, professional guidance, not rushed reactions. When your marriage feels unbearable, it’s easy to focus on escape. But sometimes, what looks like a crisis is actually a turning point; a chance for growth, healing, and clarity for everyone involved.

Talking with the right therapist can help you sort through the confusion and emotions without pushing an agenda. Not all therapists do this well. Some will take your side without considering the full family dynamic. At Marriage Quest, your marriage is our client. This means that our intensive retreats hold space for both partners while focusing on what’s best for the relationship as a whole.

This is your life. Your family. Take the time to understand what’s really possible—whether that means working to repair your marriage or moving toward a respectful, well-thought-out separation.

The Reality of Divorce

Divorce changes everything. Not just your relationship status, but your routines, your identity, your support system, sometimes your financial security; even the way you see the world. When couples have truly tried to repair their marriage and still can’t make it work, the grief can feel enormous. There’s loss… of a future you imagined, of daily companionship, of a shared history. But for some, there’s also relief. A sense that something heavy has lifted.

It’s a complex, emotional time for you, your partner, and your entire family. The stress isn’t just emotional; it can take a toll physically, financially, even spiritually.

If you and your partner reach the point where staying together no longer feels like an option, our focus shifts to helping you both prepare for this transition. That means easing the fear around what divorce really means, and helping you step into your next chapter with clarity, maturity, and as much care as possible.

Learning how to co-parent from two homes, navigating new social dynamics, and redefining who you are without your spouse takes work. But divorce doesn’t have to be a war. It can be done with respect and it can be a turning point for personal growth, healing, and long-term peace.

I'm Worried We're No Longer Compatible

Many couples who are considering starting the divorce process are questioning their compatibility and have either never sought professional support or have experienced marriage counseling in the past that actually made their situation worse.

The truth is that most couples really are compatible, but they have never been taught how to be in a longterm romantic relationship. A Marriage Quest Retreat can help you improve communication, repair from past hurts, and finally make a decision about the future of your relationship.

Many People Regret Getting Divorced

About 40% of couples report regretting getting divorced, and that number increases to 80% if the separation was due to an affair. This is often because with time comes clarity, and people start to recognize possible ways they could have saved their marriage while at the same time experiencing delayed empathy or perspective for the situation and their partner.

It really does take two to make a marriage work. It also usually takes two people to create unhappy marriages. Spouses that did not see their role in the dis-ease of their marriage, now see their part in the breakdown and leave with a new empowered perspective.

Is It Really Possible To Prevent A Divorce?

If you’re considering divorce it usually comes from a place of deep pain and hopelessness. You may feel hurt, betrayed, distant, or just plain worn down. Newly married couples start their marriage full of love and hope, only to find that life’s stressors slowly chip away at their connection. Some couples enter a Marriage Quest retreat at the pinnacle of conflict, barely able to sit in the same room without tension.

But divorce isn’t always inevitable. Preventing it takes real effort. It means learning how your partner wants to be cared for, while also finding the courage to express your own needs; clearly, respectfully, and without blame. Every marriage has highs and lows. The hard moments don’t have to break you. In fact, when handled with honesty and skill, they can become the very thing that brings you closer.

What Does Trial Separation Mean?

A trial separation might happen when a couple is in the process of considering a divorce but are not positive that it is the right decision. This often happens when there are children involved.

Some people go to an attorney to make it a legal separation so there is no issue of “abandonment” with the person leaving the marital home. Often, but not always, the trial separation leads to a new beginning for the couple. At the very least, it is a helpful exercise so you know what to consider before divorce becomes your next step.

What Should I Consider Before Filing For a Divorce?

Are the issues that you and your partner are dealing with a test that something needs to change or a sign that you are not compatible? Many couples go through rough patches. While that is normal, it still is useful to get good help before making the decision to get divorced.

Some children will say that their parents should have divorced long ago and not “stayed for the sake of the children.” Other children will say, “Why didn’t you get some help?” Many marriages can be flipped around, especially if there was a strong attraction in the very beginning of the relationship.

Get Good Help If You Are Considering a Divorce

Everyone understands that if you have a toothache you shouldn’t go to a heart surgeon for guidance. In the field of counseling, coaching, and therapy the clinician can work with all kinds of situations without specific training and expertise.

Marriage counseling is different from individual therapy, and doing marriage counseling is far from popular amongst therapists. They might do it, but not necessarily like it nor have proper training in it. We are specialists in doing couples retreats and are very good at it.

Gray Divorce: A New Chapter Or A Turning Point?

Gray Divorce is a growing trend we see amongst our clients over 50; many of whom are retiring, adjusting to an empty nest, and re-evaluating what they want in the years ahead. Some have stayed together for the sake of the kids and always planned to separate once the children were grown. Others wake up one day and realize how little they still share with their partner, wondering if they want to spend the next chapter of life feeling unfulfilled.

At Marriage Quest, we help couples in this stage explore what can be repaired and what may no longer be working.

You might be surprised, some challenges that feel insurmountable can actually shift with the right tools and perspective. We’ve seen couples in this phase rekindle emotional and even sexual intimacy in ways they never expected. With fewer distractions and more time to invest in each other, it’s absolutely possible to build something new… even after decades of struggling together.

What Is The Success Rate Of A Marriage Intensive?

Many couples ask us, “What is the success rate of a marriage intensive?” and “What is your success rate?” The overall success of any marriage counseling is about 70 to 90%. This is usually based on couples that have been in therapy for many months or many years. We see the same results in our 3 or 4 day intensive marriage retreat.

Most couples who come to a Marriage Quest retreat are looking to save their marriage, yet others are looking to make a decision on whether to get a divorce or not. They are looking for some relief from their painful situation and looking for guidance from professionals in the field. If a divorce seems like the best outcome, they are satisfied knowing that they’ve tried everything and knowing that they will be better co-parents for their children in the future.

Miracles Can Happen

We’ve seen it more than once or twice—a couple works through their plans to separate or even move forward with a divorce, only to change their minds days, weeks, or months later. Sometimes, they rekindle their marriage with a deeper appreciation for each other. In some cases, we’ve even helped couples reunite years after their divorce.

Relationships are complicated. That’s what we’re best at. Even when doubt runs deep, even when it feels like the love is gone, with the right tools, support, and willingness to try again, healing is possible. We’ve witnessed it. We believe in it. We can help you find it.

Testimonials From Happy Couples

Our marriage was in the final days of divorce. We mutually decided to put the divorce on hold and to give one last attempt at intensive counseling. The weekend experience was phenomenal! We have learned many positive communication strategies and have been able to practice them since returning home in our daily lives. Whatever the future holds for our marriage, we have both learned important things about ourselves individually as well as about relationships. If our relationship endures, we will definitely consider an additional weekend in the future or at the very least have tools to take with us into future relationships.

L & E

The decision to divorce was hard for my husband and me, but it was the right one. He sounds more contented now when I speak with him. I think that I will be grateful to him for the rest of my life for agreeing to go for counseling. The things that you helped us to see about ourselves made the parting much easier than it would otherwise have been.

Cindy

Frequently Asked Questions

Should you tell your spouse that you are considering divorce?

If you want to tell your spouse that you are considering a divorce, share what you want or wanted in your marriage. Don’t complain about everything that is annoying you about them. Share your own thoughts and feelings in a more positive and useful manner. Perhaps something like, “Honey, I love you, but I have not been happy for a long time. I want thing to be better here or I might look to get a divorce.”

What is stonewalling in a marriage?

Stonewalling in a marriage is when a husband or wife shuts down completely in a conversation or refuses to communicate with their spouse at all. Typically, the listener shuts down and tunes out the spouse who is speaking, thereby “putting up a wall” between each other. When a marriage gets to this point of disconnection, it is challenging to turn things around.

How many couples regret getting divorced?

How do you know when your marriage is over and it's time for a divorce?

For some people there is always a bit of ambivalence about holding onto their marriage or letting go. It is not straight forward and clear. For others it is very clear. Obviously when there is a lot of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, the marriage is not healthy even if there is love. It’s useful to get a professional opinion from someone who can analyze your marital situation and give you some idea of what you can possibly do to change your negative situation into something more positive and how you can do that, or if it appears to be hopeless. This is kind of like going to the Emergency Room if you have injured yourself and need a triage assessment.

Is a trial separation a good idea before considering divorce?

A trial separation can be helpful for many couples as it provides a reality check on what their divorce would actually look like. It’s important to discuss the trial separation rules in enough detail so that you are both clear on the guidelines. For example, some spouses ask “Can I date during a trial separation?” In some cases, dating other people is a trial separation benefit. For other couples, that might be too painful. Having clear boundaries and trial separation rules is important for a successful outcome.

A Marriage Counseling Retreat Can Help You Decide What’s Next

If you’re considering divorce or trying to determine whether your marriage can be repaired, you want to work with clinicians who’ve helped thousands of couples navigate that same crossroads with clarity and care. At Marriage Quest, you’ll work privately, just the two of you and Dr. David Helfand, a Licensed Psychologist known for his neuroscience-based marriage intensives.

Marriage Quest offers a non-religious, results-oriented retreat designed to help you slow down, speak honestly, and make informed decisions about the future of your relationship.

Marriage Retreat Details & Schedule

We work with one couple at a time to address your specific needs and tailor the process for optimal growth and learning. Most couples in crisis choose a 3-day program, however Dr David Helfand at Marriage Quest offers 2-4 day programs depending on the needs of the couple. Every couples intensive is a custom designed retreat experience to help teach you a better approach to relationship issues, and hopefully create a deeper relationship between you and your spouse.

Please review a general curriculum below.

Preparation

After completing the registration process, we will send you a relationship questionnaire and access to our online couples course so that you can be most prepared for your retreat. Your questionnaire will allow us to prepare as well.

Please arrive the day before your retreat to settle into your hotel or Air BnB so that you are ready to start fresh the next morning. Some couples come in two days prior so they can explore the area or account for travel delays and jet lag. Retreats generally start at 10am and end around 1pm each day.

We have found that 3 hours is the optimal learning curve for most couples. People are generally most fulfilled after 3 hours of intensive therapy and find that a nap, lunch, and time to process gives them the best outcomes.

Day 1

We begin by talking about marriage: what are the components of a happy marriage, what are the common challenges, how does sex fit into a healthy marriage, etc. Then we take a detailed history on each of you: about your family of origin, your cultural and religious influences, your current family situation, as well the roots of your romantic and sexual involvement with each other. We then switch gears and begin various tutorials and behavioral exercises focused on your specific needs. While you practice with each other and we coach you through your new skills. Many couples often feel exhausted at the end of the day and take a nap to recharge for the evening.

Day 2

We will start by checking in on yesterday’s experience as well as your afternoon and evening together. Day 2 is usually the heavy lifting day, and we have 3 hours together to accomplish what we need to. We are going to address the topics that must be covered during your retreat in order to either work on your relationship goals or help you make a decision about the future of your marriage. We will guide you safely through those sensitive conversations by making sure you follow the guidelines for effective communication. This often means we interrupt a lot in the beginning, but as you become more comfortable and experienced, we will let you lead the discussion while guiding as needed.

Some spouses benefit from a brief individual meeting to discuss personal topics or work privately on some of the skills. When appropriate, we plan some time to address these topics with each spouse individually before integrating that work back into the relationship.

Day 3

The third day is when we help you put together all of the information you have learned during the prior two days. We will discuss aftercare recommendations, topics regarding parenting, and wrap up any topics from the previous days. For couples that are considering separation or divorce, Day 3 is a pivotal moment. We will help you determine future compatibility and make a decision about the marriage.

Day 4

The primary reason to schedule a fourth day is if trauma is impacting your marriage. People who have experienced childhood trauma in particular tend to be more sensitive. If one or both spouses enter fight-or-flight frequently during their interactions, then this is a sign that trauma work might be necessary in order to repair the relationship. It is highly recommended that your partner observe your trauma work during the retreat as it often creates deeper understanding and increased empathy.

Between Sessions

Between each day of the retreat, you will be practicing the communications skills you are learning, talking to each other on a new deeper level about how your relationship began and grew (or did not grow), about your hopes and dreams for your self and for your relationship together, your regrets and sorrows, and where you see things going. In addition we will suggest other activities to do together, and hope that you can have some fun and relaxation after the day’s intensive session. Self reflection assignment are also often part of this process.

Aftercare

At the end of your retreat, we will review your customized aftercare plan. This often includes therapeutic recommendations, suggestions to continue improving communication skills, general ongoing homework, and applying what you learned once you return home.

We also offer virtual support after the retreat. Due to state licensing laws, this support is educational rather than clinical and may vary by therapist. Your provider will review the details with you on the last day of your program.

Some couples find that shorter tune-ups and maintenance sessions are helpful after their retreat. These options will also be discussed on the final day.

Let's Plan Your Couples Retreat

Contact one of our well trained therapists today to make sure we are a good fit for your relationship and marriage goals. You can send us an email or schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation to answer your questions and provide information on available dates and pricing.